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    Dude I had my dad cock block me once

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    I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.

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    The truth is better her than my wife.

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    I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.

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    Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook

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